arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Why are your pants in the freezer?
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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