Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Randomize
