Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
