school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.â€
My divorce is turning into a porn script
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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