Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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