i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
