We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Randomize
