Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
