No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
