First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Randomize
