just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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