You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Randomize
