well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
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