I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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