I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
