dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
