WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
