i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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