I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
