we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
