I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
