Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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