I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
