Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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