I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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