4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
