why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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