you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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