did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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