I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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