Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
