How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
