a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize