I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
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