...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
