I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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