if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
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