She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
My breasts were aching with rage.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
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