Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Randomize
