if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
I just saw a hot homeless man
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
