I wish they made helmets for livers.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
I just want nice things and good sex
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
It's shark week go big or go home
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Randomize
