butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
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