So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Randomize
