I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Randomize
