don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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