So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
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