lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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