My balls are so social today.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
