My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
