pedialite and red bull = repair kit
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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