she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
