Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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