why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
