dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
