I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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