I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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