I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
