i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
