So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
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