omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
