Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Randomize
