Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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