God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Randomize
