barbara walters just said penis...
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
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