Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
I think i got beer on your cat.
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