went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
