Heybabeimwearingurpanties
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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