What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
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