I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
